


The Fall of Regulus Black

by mylostlovers



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Black Family Drama (Harry Potter), Black Family Feels (Harry Potter), Black Family Madness (Harry Potter), Black Family Tapestry (Harry Potter), Black Family-centric (Harry Potter), Character Study, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), POV Regulus Black, Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Pre-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Feels, Regulus Black-centric, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Sirius Black, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Tags Are Hard, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Wolfstar is canon, Young Regulus Black, Young Sirius Black, please read trigger warnings before every chapter, this is supposed to be sad, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28932933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylostlovers/pseuds/mylostlovers
Summary: Regulus Black has always had his older brother at his side. Following Regulus throughout his life, and the moments that impacted his life the most.This is the story of two brothers. One who was brave enough to reject his family. Another, who was quiet and cowardly. Both afraid to love and grow.This story isn’t happy. This story is about two brothers, once inseparable, pitted against each other, until all that remained was a bitter taste in their mouth after saying the other’s name.This is a story about grief, loss, abuse, and internal conflict.This is a story about Sirius and Regulus Black. Sirius: headstrong, brave, opinionated. Regulus: reserved, eager to please, and at war with himself.This is a story about the choices we make, the bonds we share, and the love we lose.
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Kudos: 9





	1. The Colorful Sound of Boyish Laughter

**Author's Note:**

> I want to preface this by saying I took a lot of creative liberty and while it is mostly canon compliant there are some differences. We don't know a whole lot about the Regulus and Sirius dynamic and growing up so I'm just writing it how I've always viewed it. Mostly a character study so not really a whole lot of plot. Just snippets of their life.
> 
> trigger warnings for not only this chapter but upcoming ones: child abuse, self harm, depressive thoughts, suicide attempt
> 
> these trigger warnings are subject to change please be safe and only read this fic if you are in a good place to do so, I love you all :)

This is the story of two brothers. One who was brave enough to reject his family. Another, who was quiet and cowardly. Both afraid to love and grow.

This story isn’t happy. This story is about two brothers, once inseparable, pitted against each other, until all that remained was a bitter taste in their mouth after saying the other’s name.

This is a story about grief, loss, abuse, and internal conflict.

This is a story about Sirius and Regulus Black. Sirius: headstrong, brave, opinionated. Regulus: reserved, eager to please, and at war with himself.

This is a story about the choices we make, the bonds we share, and the love we lose.

July 9th, 1967

Being six years old and confined to studies is boring. Despite being seen as the perfect one of the children, always listening, never questioning, already groomed into a perfect soldier, Regulus is bored. He can’t seem to focus on what he’s reading and really, is latin truly necessary for a child? He digs his palms into his eyes and lets out a whine, reaching for a book entitled: _“Charms for Young Wizards!”_ At least this book has pictures.

The silence is interrupted by harsh footsteps, and Regulus sits up straighter. His parents must be here to check on his reading for the day. Possibly his father judging on the harshness in the step. No, his mother, the steps didn’t hold enough weight to be his father. He squints, trying to figure out who is storming down the hall before they actually come in. That’s when he realizes it’s neither. His door is flung open, revealing his older brother. Seven years old, a front tooth missing, and his ear length hair a mess around his face. “Come on, Reggie! Come on! Come on!”

Regulus was used to seeing his brother excited. Sometimes it was over things like cake, going on a trip to Diagon Alley, or maybe a hidden passageway, but there was a new glint in his eyes this time. Hopping out of his chair, Regulus approached his brother.

“What is it Sirius?” He was a quiet boy, but his voice revealed how truly excited he was. Secrets and late nights, whispers and giggles. He loved his brother’s games. They provided relief and a distraction from every day life. From boring latin texts and colorful pictures demonstrating potions and spells.

“Mum and Dad have gone to meet with some people, and they left the quidditch shed unlocked! Come on Reggie!”

His brother, bursting from excitement, tore down the hallway, and down the winding stairs. Though he was smaller, Regulus followed soon after, laughter bubbling up in his throat. The sound was joyous and full of life, the giggles growing louder as he broke into the back garden, the sun hitting his small face. Sirius was half way across the lawn now, hopping onto his broom.

The day was nice, the sun warmed him to the bone, and the wind rustled his black hair. For once Regulus knew what it was like to be a child. To giggle and laugh, to not feel bound by guidelines, rules and restrictions, chained at the wrists. To play a game because he enjoyed it. Not four times a week with a mean old coach who hit his wrists if he messed up.

He felt the joys of flying on a broom for the first time without technique. He lifted his hands from the wood and squealed. He looped through the air, the wind pulling his perfectly combed curls into a mess that rivaled Sirius’s.

“Reggie! Watch this!” And upon hearing his brother, he pulled on his broom, urging it to stop as he watched Sirius dive to the ground, pulling up before he hit the floor.

The brothers talents were the byproduct of harsh quidditch lessons. Even now, as Regulus let himself go, he could hear the loud yelling of his coach. He could feel the way his small hands would be blistered by the end of sessions. Shaking off the dread that always entered his stomach before practice, he yanked on the broom. He wouldn’t let those thoughts sour his fun. Not when he was smiling from ear to ear, daring his brother to stand on his broom and see how long he could stay on. 

Now he knew why people loved quidditch. Why the words broom and snitch, didn’t make other’s rub at their wrists. He pretended he was another boy. A boy with no parents. It was just him and Sirius and they spent their days looping through the air. They would eat cake for breakfast. They would run through the halls and slide down the banister. In his fantasy they spent their days laughing.

Sirius laughed as he fell back into the grass, and his laugh was pure joy. It was enough to make a thousand rainbows to brighten the dull sky. As Regulus followed suit, dropping off of his broom to roll in the grass, he felt a growing dread in his stomach. How long had they been out there? Gazing at the clouds, he frowned as he felt the wind whip harsher against his skin. Cold pricked at his small figure and he ached for more than just his green robes to cover him. A leaf flew off a nearby tree and smacked into his soft flesh violently, leaving a small pink mark across his cheek. Where had the day gone? Why was it silent?

Frantic, he turned to Sirius and saw his brother was no longer laughing, his mouth drawn into a thin line, and his eyebrows furrowed. He looked much older than seven. “Regulus I think we should…”

Whatever his brother was going to say, Regulus never heard it. Before he knew it, he was being dragged up by the backs of his robes, his father’s disapproving face staring into his eyes. Orion Black wasn’t kind. He wasn’t gentle or nice. He disciplined his children like they were soldiers. In a lot of ways they were soldiers to him. Their frail bodies nothing but a vessel to harbor hateful ideologies. To fester disdain. He viewed his sons, with all of their round cheeks and gap toothed smiles, as nothing more than assistants to his agenda.

He was handsome in some ways, but all of that was ruined by his harsh gaze. It was piercing, and stared into one’s soul. It was cruel enough to make the strongest witches and wizards cower. Now, he stared at his youngest son with that same gaze. Regulus whined, shutting his eyes tight enough, tears sliding down his cheeks. He begged to be let down, kicking his feet and wailing, “Daddy please, I’m sorry! It was all practice!”

“I expect better from you _._ ” The words were harsh, and soon the ground was coming up to meet him, and Regulus was on his knees in the grass. New holes were already being formed in his robes from the fall. “ _Silencio_.” The spell was uttered with such force, such cruelty, that even if it hadn’t forced Regulus to be silent, it might have been enough to make him go quiet for a moment. “Get inside. Both of you. To think I call you my sons.”

-

That night Regulus lay in bed, his quiet sobs dampening his pillow, and crushing his young spirit. Red marks were fresh on his back, legs, and arms, making it impossible to get comfortable. Every way he moved his body erupted in pain.

Sirius had been sent to his room as well, but Regulus had seen the way Sirius looked at him as they were being punished. His eyes pleaded for forgiveness. Wishing Regulus, who was rarely hit, would ever find it in his heart to accept his weak apology. Of course, Regulus had nodded in return.

_All was forgiven._

How could Regulus stay mad, when it had been one of the best moments of his life. He would never be able to get rid of the laughter that had rung throughout the yard, and now lived in his head.

It was the sound of happiness, forgiveness, and love. It was the sound of hope, just before it was stamped out of existence.


	2. Her Good Little Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Sirius get into a series of arguments the summer before Sirius will attend Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't have a lot of mentions of abuse but please be careful nonetheless. 
> 
> okay the ages of Regulus and Sirius and the dates might be a little messed up but I was really confusing myself with it so just roll with it. Just know that in this fic they're 2 years apart. For example when Sirius is a third year Regulus will be a first year.

The boys are a bit older now. Eleven and nine years old, Sirius will be attending Hogwarts. For the first time in their short lives they won’t be at each other’s side. Regulus pretends he doesn’t care, but his world is unraveling. He knows it’s irrational but he blames Sirius for going.

Regulus and Sirius have had their share of late night shenanigans in the past years, but after the quidditch incident Regulus has kept some distance. He doesn’t know why it’s a bad thing to be like his brother, but when his mum says she’s proud of him, he can’t help but feel a sense of righteousness.

He follows this sense of righteousness and seeks out ways to please her, dotting at her side like a puppy. The visual makes Sirius feel ill.

June 27, 1971

It wasn’t fair. He knew he wasn’t old enough, but he still wished he was going with his brother. All summer had been devoted to making sure Sirius was prepared for Hogwarts. Their parents expected him to be top of his class. No, they _knew_ he would be top of his class. Every day Sirius was pulled into a study with his mother or father, to be tested on what he knew. Tests on how the boys were progressing weren’t uncommon, however they usually weren’t in such high succession. Regulus pretended to not hear his brother crying.

Today was Sunday, and the boys had been given a reprieve of their school work. A rare reward, but it was valued and treasured by them. Though roughhousing was not allowed, any break from work was a good one.

“Do you reckon the quidditch teams are any good?” They were in a mostly decorative room, that held no real purpose. Regulus figured it must be a sitting room for guests, considering it was down the hall from empty bedrooms. Sirius was hanging upside down off of a particularly ornate couch, trying to push himself into a handstand.

“I’m not sure. Considering Mum and Dad have us trained for it, I’m assuming they must have some merit.”

Where Sirius was wild, Regulus was proper. Sirius had grown a few inches in the past few years, and his curls were now past his ears. His mother had let him grow his hair out, with the promise she would chop it off before school. On weekends they were permitted to wear clothes that weren’t robes. Sirius opted for a button down, not tucked into his pants. For all of their facial similarities, Regulus looked the exact opposite. His hair was short, but longer in the front, framing his face with soft, purposefully tamed waves. He had opted for a button down as well, but with a green sweater vest, everything tucked in, just as it should be.

Regulus sat in a corner, nose in a book. Even on his days off he was reading. He found the words on the page comforting. Whether a book on theory or some absurd fairy tale that children were read before bed, Regulus absorbed it. He drank the pages like it was an elixir of life, desperate to know more, to be better. Knowledge meant safety from his parent’s wrath. Sirius had learned this lesson too, and despite his unruly behavior, was very smart and well versed in various subjects.

“I hope they aren’t rubbish. Imagine attending the games and everyone falling off their broom.” Sirius groaned as he fell out of his handstand, looking over at Regulus as he spoke.

“I’m sure Slytherin is a fine team. Besides you never said you were wild about joining the team.”

“That’s because I’m not.”

“Then stop complaining.”

Sirius frowned and turned away from Regulus, sitting down on the couch. “You’re a git. Do you know that? Mum sure has had her toll on you. You used to be fun. Now you’re like her little soldier.”

Regulus felt his blood begin to boil. After all Regulus had done for Sirius. He was the younger brother, he shouldn’t have to look after him. Yet there he was, always trying to defend him and excuse his heinous actions. All those nights at the dinner table where Sirius had stood up against his parents and Regulus had dismissed it as a rowdy spirit. Now he was beginning to think that his brother really was some terrible person, just as his mum said. He slammed his book shut, resting it on his knees, looking up to Sirius.

He was so small, otherwise his gaze would’ve been scary. His brows drew close together and his eyelids fluttered down. It was sharp look, and clearly learned, possibly something he picked up subconsciously. It was a mixture of his father and mother: harsh, cruel, _judging_. “I am _not_ her little solider. What is that even supposed to _mean_? You know I have my own thoughts. It just so happens that when Mum speaks it makes more sense than whatever _you_ say. So what if I do follow her around? She’s my mum and unlike you I respect her. Besides, you’re going off to Hogwarts soon so I don’t see why you need to care about me.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes. He pitied his brother. For all of Regulus’s smarts, he always was the weak-minded one. Never able to stand up to their parents. He was nine, and spent his days reading and sitting next to his mother, listening as she ranted about the ‘mudbloods’ being let into Hogwarts. Every evening he sat by the fire as she ran her long nails through his hair, reading _The Daily Prophet_ and gasping at the things being reported. Poor Regulus, never having a mind of his own, corrupted by hatred.

“In case you haven’t noticed Reg, I’m your brother. Even if you’re a slimy git I’ll care about you. But _you_ wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

Sirius shot one last glare at his brother. It was a glare that rivaled Regulus’s. His was cold, and seemed to stare directly into his brother’s soul. Then, he stormed out of the room, leaving Regulus on the floor, hurt and confused.

June 28, 1971

Regulus watched from down the hallway as Sirius entered the study for another test. He was curious. He wanted to know what his brother could possibly know that he didn’t. He was jealous of the attention Sirius was receiving. Besides, Regulus wanted his mother’s approval more than Sirius ever had. He _deserved_ to be in there.

His mother peered down at him with her scrutinizing gaze. Even her perfect son had his faults. “You have reading to do Regulus. Stop gawking at me, your astronomy is to be turned in to me today.”

“Yes Mother.” He bowed his head, his eyes staring at his perfectly polished shoes, before turning around, and heading back to his room.

The day passed slowly. Regulus completed his astronomy, fascinated as he wrote down names of stars and constellations, most of which his family was named after. He closed his eyes, mumbling the names of planets in order, visualizing the map in his head. He was determined to be the best. Not because he wanted to be, but to prove himself to his parents. Sometimes they called him weak. A spineless boy who needed to be stronger. That if he was smart enough, and strong enough, he would be able to serve.

Regulus didn’t know who he would be serving, or what for, but the way his mother said it, he knew he wanted to do it.

_Her little soldier._

His eyes snapped open as his door was knocked on. Rolling up the parchment and neatly placing it on his desk, he walked to the door, opening it.

Sirius stood there, hands behind his back. He pushed past Regulus, letting himself in, and sitting on the bed. “I’ll be gone at the end of summer you know.”

Regulus watched his brother, pulling his shoulders back and lifting his chin a little higher. “I know. You’ll be at Hogwarts. Top of your class.”

Sirius laughed, but it was more of a bitter sound than one of pure joy. It was so unlike the Sirius who had laughed on his broomstick that day in the yard.

Regulus shut his door, sitting on the opposite side of the bed from him. The laughter died out and Sirius sat up, leaning on an elbow as he observed his brother. “You need to stop listening to Mum so much. She doesn’t really care you know. When she brushes down your hair and kisses your cheek. She doesn’t _care._ She used to do the same to me.”

Imagining his mother being affectionate towards his brother was laughable. Ever since he could remember Sirius was being shot dirty looks, dragged by his arms, and tossed about like garbage. The thought that one day his parents would look down on him like that, made Regulus’s stomach churn. His mother would never think of him like that. His mother was always saying how much better he was compared to Sirius. Quicker on a broom, quieter, obedient, eager to learn. Eager to _please._ “You’re a liar, Sirius. Mum always says so.”

“I don’t care what Mum has told you. She doesn’t care what you like or what you want. You wanted to be a healer didn’t you? What now huh? What do you want to do now? I suppose you want to serve don’t you? Serve who Regulus? You don’t even know! You only care about what Mum and Dad think, nothing else.”

The words bit at Regulus. They slashed into his skin and made thick red marks over his heart. Each word, each syllable, rang in his ears. It was an overflowing stream of noise, of the truth and he couldn’t stand it. He wanted to cry. He wanted to yell at Sirius and tell him to get out of his room. He wanted to hit him. He wanted to show him that his mother cared for him, that he wasn’t just someone she used. Deep down, in his small, fragile heart, he knew his brother was right.

The lights flickered. Electricity thrummed through the air as Regulus lost control of his emotions. He tried to maintain his calm before a light blew out, then his parents would never believe him strong or worthy. “Get out. You’re a liar.”

“Reg calm down.” Sirius looked around staring at the lights anxiously. He had seen Regulus’s magic out of control before. For such a small boy his outbursts were violent and unpredictable, like there wasn’t enough room in his body to store all of his anger. “Reggie. I’m trying to look out for you. She doesn’t care. I’m not saying it to be mean. It’s true. You can’t let her shove you around…”

Regulus was standing, looking at his brother with that signature glare. It was all he could do to not run across the room and drag him by his curls. “Get out of my room. You’re a liar!” Tears welled in his pale eyes, and when he blinked they spilled out, dropping down his cheeks. Once round and full of life, his face was now gaunt and pale, a sign of his growing up and his shift in beliefs. “All you ever do is ruin things Sirius!”

Sirius jumped off the bed as he was shouted at, staring at his brother with his mouth agape. “I’m not _lying_!” He shouted back, hands at his side in fists. “This is why Mum and Dad say you aren’t strong enough! Because you’re a big crybaby!” As soon as he said it Sirius regretted it. He had spoke the words in haze of anger and hatred for the boy in front of him. This was his brother, and yet he chose to side with their parents.

Regulus flinched away from the words as if he’d been hit. He grabbed a potions book from his desk and threw it at Sirius. Though it missed, and bounced onto the floor, he took the hint and left.

The lights stopped, the door banged shut, and he sat on his bed. The room was silent. There was no more electricity. No more tension. No more yelling. Just a cruel and intolerable silence. His sobs matched this silence, not daring to make a sound for someone to hear.

He would never let Sirius speak to him like that again. He would show him. He would be the most powerful wizard. He would prove to him that his parents had plans for him. He would be important. He would be remembered. He would be her good little soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates won't normally be this quick but I have a lot of ideas for this fic and I want to write while I'm still in the mood so here's chapter 2 a little earlier than normal :)


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